Forgiveness & Reconciliation: Parishioner Reflections on the Jubilee

"..as I have forgiven you, go likewise and forgive others."

Forgiveness and reconciliation were not virtues I learned or experienced in my youth. Nor were they practiced or even respected as a way of life. So, for me to learn about forgiveness I had to simultaneously learn what it was not. It was not about good feelings only; nor about imagined bad feelings; nor was it about guilt - doing penance to earn it. I realized in true faith that to learn about forgiveness I had to confront and face what I’d avoided, denied and feared most: all the pain, grief, loss and anger I experienced because of my rejection and abandonment as a defenseless child; all the guilt and shame that it continued to cause me in my adult life; to recall, "it still hurts!" I began to reflect seriously on how Jesus addressed forgiveness, or lack thereof. "Seek and you will find." Easier said than done, I mused. Jesus told Paul, "My grace is sufficient."

I began to address my own prayer life differently. I prayed more simply and less ritualistically. The words of the Our Father began to penetrate me anew, and took on a more personal meaning. I reflected more personally on Peter’s invitation to follow Jesus and his personal struggling journey to forgiveness and reconciliation. The guilt and grief and shame he must have felt and experienced when he failed Jesus and his innocence. No doubt, Peter realized that he, too, had betrayed his own unreal expectations and pride. Peter became my personal "rock" in assisting me in my struggle with forgiveness and reconciliation.

The core of my transition I found in God’s gift of the Eucharist. It was in the Eucharist I truly experienced the magnanimous love of Jesus’ healing forgiveness and reconciliation, as well as true gratitude and an intimate real sense of my own sinfulness and unforgiveness. Jesus said: "...as I have forgiven you, go likewise and forgive others."

Prayer:
O God, thank you for your healing self in the Eucharist.

Mary Biddle

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