Gerry Creedon for President

Sponsored by

VeriSon of Man Savior Medical Emergency Plan might just savior you-know-what someday.

AT&T offers "Dial Down the Middle"; Sprints boasts about "Clear Calling"; but only VeriSon of Man offers direct dialing to God. Our new Savior Medical Emergency Plan allows you unlimited access to God when you need it most.

"I was just checking this line clarity on Wilson Boulevard and was hit by a Metro Bus heading to Seven Corners shopping center, spilling my guts all over the pavement. Can you heal me now? Good."

 

This service is available for only $39.95 a month, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

"Urgh bwa blah. I tripped and fell into a toxic swamp next to this chemical plant while testing the phone connection, and I've ingested tons of hazardous waste and radioactive crud. Can you heal me now? Good."

Just think, with the VeriSon of Man Savior Medical Emergency Plan and a phone in hand, you'll never have to worry again about you or your loved ones being permanently injured from shark attack, head plants, bicycle courier pileups, email-induced Tourette's Syndrome, closing Metro doors, or other dangers. Healing is just a phone call away.

"Can you heal ME NOW?! l've just been slugged by a guy after barging into his living room and disturbing his family to ask a simple question. So can you heal me now? Thank God."

VeriSon of Man. Your direct connection to God.

Some restrictions apply. Instant service on Sundays not guaranteed because of high volume of calls.

C'mon, it's Lent—take me back to the normal site!