Gerry
Creedon for President
His
Opponents Don't Have a Prayer
April
1, 2003: ARLINGTON, VA—Rev. Gerry Creedon threw his collar into
the ring today when he announced his candidacy for the U.S. Presidency.
He's running as a member of the P.O.L.K.A. Party (Priests
Organizing the Laity for the Konquest of America).
Candidate
Q&A with Gerry Creedon
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Q:
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What
do you make of Article II, Section 1, Clause 5 of the U.S. Constitution
that limits Presidential eligibility to natural born US citizens? |
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A:
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With
all of the other serious violations of the Constitution in recent
years, I don't think the American people will quibble over this
minor technicality. |
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Q:
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Aren't
you a bachelor? Who would serve as your First Lady? |
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A:
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True,
I am not married at this time. However, Sister B has agreed to step
in as First Lady for ceremonial purposes. |
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Q:
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Who
do you have in mind for a running mate? |
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A:
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I'm
a strong believer in the highest ethical standards, particularly
for other people. That's why my campaign staff is reviewing the
audio tapes from the St. Charles confessional to ensure any prospective
running mate won't embarrass me. |
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Q:
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How
would you work with Congress to address the country's budget crisis? |
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A:
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My
extensive background in fundraising would lead to a successful
Capitol Campaign to bring the budget back to surplus. |
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Q:
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Do
you think you're tough enough to be commander in chief? |
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A:
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Try
walking around with a Roman collar the past couple of years and
then you tell me. |
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Q:
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Your
critics say you're just a regional candidate. |
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A:
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I'm
loved by Neighborhood F, which covers 99.99% of the
United States. I'm also polling well in Haiti and Ireland. At least
in some parts of Ireland. |
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Q:
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Some
critics say the White House is no place for someone who puts their
Christian beliefs before all others. |
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A:
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That's
what makes me a refreshing change. Others have said they would return
integrity to the Oval Office; I will return secularity to the Oval
Office, just as I have in the many other offices where I've served. |
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Q:
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Do
you think voters connect with you on a spiritual level? |
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A:
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Definitely.
Whenever someone hears about my candidacy, the first words out of
their mouth are, "Good Lord, Gerry's running for president." |
MY
PLATFORM TO CONTRACT AMERICA
- Change
Department of Justice to the Department of Social Justice
- Promote
fiscal responsibility by hosting state dinners in the St. Charles
parish center, with music by Fr. Gerry and Fr. Mendez
- As
part of a new education plan, No Child Left Befuddled, new
courses will be added to the phyisical education requirement, including
Golf 101; High Tee Etiquette; Drivers and Divots; What You Should
Know About Lawn Care. Also, Latin as foreign language will be dropped.
- Declare
St. Patrick's Day a National Holiday
- To
lessen the pomposity of a brass band playing "Hail to the Chief"
when he arrives, Fr. Gerry will have a military mandolin quartet perform
the honors.
- Vouchers
available for Catholics to make a pilgrimmage to the Vatican—to
see the art—at least once in their lives.
Take
Our Poll
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Results
So Far...
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Campaign
Writers: Mark D. Alves and Susan Reyburn
Campaign Banner: Anne Rogers
PREVIOUS
SPONSORS
C'mon,
it's Lent—take me back to the normal site!
Created:
April 1, 2003
St. Charles Borromeo Catholic Church
3304 North Washington Blvd, Arlington, VA 22201, USA
Tel: 703.527.5500 | Fax: 703.527.5505 | Web: www.stcharleschurch.org
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