Fr.
Gerry: Okay, who's going to say the opening prayer?
(…five
minute pause as everyone avoids making eye contact…)
Jeans
Sweeney walks in.
Fr. Gerry: Good, Jean's here. let's have her do the opening prayer.
Jean: I'd love to. OK, let's settle ourselves. Take a deep breath in…and let it out slowly. Relax and feel the chair beneath you.
Transcriber: zzzzzzzzz….
(undetermined amount of time passes by. Transcriber's head jerks violently, awakening her. She looks around to see if anyone notices. A mysterious man in dark glasses has since entered the room and is sitting outside the board/bored members in the corner.)
Neighborhood G representative: Give it to Murphy.
Genie: Me?
Jim: No, I think she was talking to me.
TJ: Whew, I thought she meant me. Which reminds me of a joke-
Katherine: Honey, this isn't the Style Invitational.
Jim: Next order of business is entering the latest Parish Center Committee report into the record.
Fr. Gerry: The latest projection looks to be higher than our budgeted $3 million. Surely we can do better than that.
Neighborhood Gamma: Let's add a glass atrium and make it $4 million
Thirst Ministry: We can get it up to $5.5 million by adding some more kitchens--.
Fr. Gerry: --I meant what about scaling back.
All: Ba ha ha ha ha!
Campaign Spokesmodel: Let's make it an even $6 million by adding the bicycle track for Fr. Mendez and using pavement for the floor of the gymnasium. That will help us maintain an important School tradition. We'll solve the parking problem by tearing down the church and replacing it with a garage. All those Sunday Masses are at the root the traffic problems anyway.
Genie: Before this meeting concludes, let's end as we always do: it's time to vote someone off the council.
All: Pick me! Pick me!
Genie: After counting all the votes, it looks like everyone voted for themselves. I'll break the tie by voting the transcriber off the island.
Transcriber: Thank you, St. Jude.
Our
columnist, Fr. Ponders, describes himself as being of a straight and narrow
mind. Each week he answers questions from alleged readers.
QUESTION: My homeowner's association is organizing a public stoning of a neighborhood woman caught in adultery. My Protestant friends told me not to go, quoting Scripture, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." But I want to participate, particularly to show that she should have rejected my advances in the first place. How should I respond?
ANSWER: It's important to stand up for your convictions. As you weigh your options, remember that cannon law (# .357) clearly forbids firearms in this situation. It appears that you aren't distinguishing between what is a stone and what is merely stonelike, such as a rock or a really hard clump of dirt. The Council of Flint settled this issue by declaring that only stones could be found between rocks and hard places.
Your so-called friends sound like they are making the same mistakes that many Catholics do by using a literal interpretation. A closer reading indicates many alternatives. For example, you could choose to be second in line or you could select a substitute to a stone. I plan on going, so I'll see you there.
After months of delay in starting construction of the parish center, Fr. Gerry and Sr. B took matters into their own hands. Sr. B. said, "I've waited too long for this Center to come about. I decided that if Jesus was a carpenter, then I could be one, too. I'll construct the entire building myself, if that's what it takes."
